photo by JillWellington on Pixabay
By Kelli Bowen
One Christmas tradition I couldn’t get onboard with is “Elf on the Shelf.” Put away your torches and pitchforks. Yeah, I know. I already have semi-mixed feelings about Santa along with the tooth fairy, Easter bunny, etc. If the idea that a tyrannical elf lord who knows when you are sleeping and sees when you’re awake, isn’t enough to motivate a child to be good, I’d think it’s time to reevaluate my methods to raise decent humans.
Miss E, my eldest and sweetest child, told me she’d like an elf a couple of years ago. I told her that wasn’t necessary because Santa only has to send elves to houses where the children are naughty and take up more of Santa’s time, so she luckily doesn’t need one. That worked for a couple of years. This year she told me that she’d like an elf. I didn’t understand where she was going with this. Then she clarified the Elf on the Shelf. She told me that it turns out that parents can buy elves on shelves, so even if the children are good, they’re able to have one, just for the fun of it.
Now, let me explain: I’m the kind of a “Go Big or Go Home” personality. I’m a “Let’s sing loudly, dance on tables, and use bright colors” kind of person. I have that addictive personality where I really, REALLY like things and get too far into them, to the point they can consume me. Knowing this, I have certain things I try to keep myself away from: gaming, recreational drugs, scrapbooking… and Elf on the Shelf seems like one of those things I just shouldn’t get into. I can very easily see myself at 4 a.m. suspending it from the ceiling with half cooked noodles and a can of parmesan cheese next to the stove that has a fake label saying “gun powder” on it. I can SEE it. My creative juices started flowing .3 seconds after she asked. I’d be super-bummed if I didn’t give it my all and have elaborate, creative scenarios for the elf every day. I’m already busy. For these reasons, I’m out.
BUT this is my first born. She thinks of others, is sweet, kind, and creative. She is the NICE kid who is asking for this Christmas experience. The same kid who said she could probably use a fuzzy blanket for Christmas because she knows how much Hubby and I don’t like “crap” around the house. UGH…the good child is asking.
So, tomorrow night after my turn at mom carpool, you might find me, roaming the shelves of the store, looking for our very own, soon-to-be-loved-yet-hated Elf on the friggin’ Shelf.
Kelli makes her home in Cass County with her husband, two daughters (8 and 5) and two dogs. She works for a regional seed company by day and tries to be an alright mom, wife, friend and writer by night.
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